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  • Bryan Hollomon Williams

The Day Chip & Dale Died.......

Years ago, my first wife and I rented a house in Trussville, Alabama for a while. One day, I was down in the basement, going through some old boxes we never cleared after moving in. I got to one box and as I opened it, two chipmunks jumped out (scared the shit out of me) and ran out of a hole in the garage door. The hole in the garage door was of little to no concern to our landlord, so I patched it up the best I could. Somehow, these two little demons kept getting in.


Every now and then, I'd see them in the back yard, chirping like birds. I went out to Wal-Mart and bought a Daisy Powerline BB Gun. There were days I'd go out back and not see ole Chip and Dale. I'd post up on the deck steps, waiting. Finally, the day came when I was able to get them both. They were in the basement again. As I came down the steps into the basement/garage, I saw them squeezing out through another gap in the garage door. This time I perched on the deck steps again, and waited patiently. After about an hour, they emerged from a hole in the ground and began their play. I took aim at Chip. [POW!!] He dropped instantly. Dale ran into the gutter drain pipe that opened up to the back yard. This was back when I was still somewhat "surgical" with a rifle of any kind. Dale chirped repeatedly. I followed his chirping up the plastic pipe to where he should be. [POW!!] He rolled out of the pipe into the yard, kicked a few times and died.


What I've learned from that time, and from where I am living now, is that Disney is a liar. Chipmunks are not these little cute and innocent creatures that Chip and Dale have been portrayed to be. They DO NOT live in trees, hollowed out, with front porches and windows. Chipmunks actually live in the ground, often times burrowing holes near and around the foundations of our homes. We all know that this is not good for the integrity of our houses. If you've ever heard me speak ill of chipmunks, now you know why.


Now, for the turn. Understand this. There have been those who have been emboldened to be versions of Chip and Dale, over the past four years. They have been told that their detriment to American society and to the lives of minorities is okay, and is their god-given right as Americans. They have been duped into thinking that their way is right and just and even Christian. This is only because of their lack of intelligence, lack of morals, and lack of knowledge of the God they claim to serve.


I end with this: If you choose to run amok, as Chip and Dale, simply stay away from my family. Stay away from my property.


Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.......

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