I remember a visit to my doctor when I was about 19 or 20 years of age. I mentioned to my doc that I was fighting depression off and on, and that I did not know why. She quickly suggested medication to help me. By the time she came back to the room with a prescription, I told her never mind. I thought to myself, "This is all mental, and I can overcome this with my very own thinking." Needless to say, I was successful.
Last summer, many years later, I was having issues with anxiety. This time I accepted my doc's offer of medication. Yes, it worked. It worked at suppressing my anxiety, but not eliminating, which means it remained buried within me. Brewing it was. The medication also suppressed a bit of my positivity and motivation to just enjoy life. My patience shortened as angry aggression became the new me. It took a while for me to realize the deeper effects of this dug. It actually was not until about three weeks ago that I was prompted by a book to take a deep dive into my own heart, my own past, and my own emotions and deal with this brooding anger. The title of the book is "Enemies of the Heart" by Pastor Andy Stanley. The book had been riding in my backpack for over a year before I began to read it.
In dealing with this enemy called anger, I had to humble myself and face my own faults that contributed to stress and strain on my marriage. I had to consider that fact that my wife might be right about all the things she had begun to see in me, that were not there in the early stages of us. Not only did I identify sources of pinned up anger, I saw the origin of this unreasonable aggression. The origin was this medication. The reality is that there were more cons than pros to taking it. My natural desire to simply choose positivity in all situations was stifled. I lacked interest in a lot of family activity,chores, and even yard work, which I used to look forward to as my "me time". Overall, the medication was a life suppressant. It killed me, in a sense, and I slowly drifted farther and farther away from the world, and deeper into self-pity, depression, and anger.
About a week ago, I decided I would stop taking this medicine. Yes, I have experienced some withdrawals, but I am happier and a lot more interested in my home life. I am motivated once again, and I spent most of yesterday doing yard work. My wife sees me as having improved my attitude. I no longer feel as though I am just waiting for someone to set me off. My mind is more focused on the positive than the negative. The ill will of others doesn't seem to bother me as much, and I am able to move on without allowing negativity to affect me. I'm alive again.
In conclusion, I am not making light of the potential good that certain medications can do for people who need them. What I am saying for myself is that I choose not to medicate. In my personal circumstance, I am not willing to damage my relationships with my wife, my kids, or my family. As done many years ago, I will correct my mindset and focus to deal with my issues in a positive way, with the help of God. His Word is so powerful when properly applied to every situation in life. Andy Stanley's book did refer me back to the basics of the Word of God, and it's always so simple. Every answer I have ever truly needed is strategically placed in Scripture...........
I have learned that forgiveness is a life healer. Effectively doing so, releases you from the bondage of anger and disappointment.
Bryan Hollomon Williams