My mind ran to my most recent relationships. Most of you know that I've, now, been married and divorced twice. I think about the pain, misery and devastation that my heart experienced in both these situations. My message here is not to bash or belittle, so put on your grown and mature thinking caps before reading any further. To speak ill of anyone is to think of myself as better or perfect, and I am nowhere near perfect or free of fault. From all I've gone through, I've grown and matured, and I have two of the most awesome and amazing children known to mankind. I'm blessed!
My first wife was the first woman I had ever fully opened my heart to, with whom I shared every journal. I laid it all out, thinking it was best and the only approach to what would become a marriage situation. Not to say I am all that, but ultimately for the weight of who I truly am, she was not the one. For her, I was not the one. After 10 and half years, we parted ways. In that time, I had become a person I said I'd never be. I did things I said I'd never do. Note to all: the ONE for you will bring out the best in you, not the worst. All it ever takes is one, to throw you completely off and take you places never meant for you.
Again, there is no ill intent here. Oil and water. You can pour them both into the same bucket, but the two will never blend or dissolve into each other, becoming one. Is that not what a marriage is, becoming one? To be one is a MAJOR thing, and no man or woman on earth can truly draw a map of how to get there. You simply know when you've arrived, or you already know you're not there and may never be, in your current "car".
Too soon after my first marriage, I committed to a new relationship, which became another marriage. Ignoring all the red flags and bent on satisfying impulses, I was all in, head first. Again, I dropped my entire self onto the table. I laid out all the good, bad, and ugly of Bryan Hollomon Williams. There is so much freedom in truth and keeping it at the forefront. Over time, I realized I was on a similar path to what I had traveled before. I, later, realized it was pretty much the same show, but different cast. Think about it this way. You're the passenger, better yet, navigator in the car. Your job is to direct the driver. You say, "Keep straight, and don't make the next turn." You know that there is a dead end on that road to the left, along with robbers who will take all you have. I mean, you are holding the map and see the dangers according to the waze of the past, right. It's a make or break situation. Your driver makes the turn ANYWAY, without regard to you or the young passengers riding along. At that point in time, I must do what's best and what's right for myself and the young ones in the back seat. We jump out and head back to the main road. When it's too late, the driver realizes that all passengers have bailed, because they've been down that road before and will not be subject to it again. All it ever takes in one wrong turn. You never know if you'll get a second chance, so why even risk it?
Reminded by a couple of folks over the past two weeks, one thing that has never died in me is the hope of finding the one meant for me, someone who could bear the fullness of who I am, what my heart holds, and the dragon in my chest. This person would accept me as I am, blemishes and all, and love me in spite of me. She did tell me that one day, "I love you in spite of you!" Those words went so deep into my heart! She expects nothing of me other than for me to be the man I am. Then she hits me with, "I've waited a long time to love you!" She was given a glimpse of my heart 20 years ago and has grown to love it even more, over the past year. No one has ever fit into my dreams as easily as she does. I've never imagined anyone traveling to my most cherished places with me, until her. I've never moved so slowly in a relationship before, but I've never been happier than I am right now.
All it ever takes is one.......
One to shed the light.
One to treat you right.
One to love your dreams
As much as you.
One to cherish your heart
With a love that's absolutely true.
One to dive into you
To depths untold.
One to confirm that
she is the other half of your half a soul.
All it ever takes is one.......
One who is all you ever needed.
One for whom your heart has pleaded.
One who builds you up
And never tears you down.
One whose got your back
And will always be around.
One who loves
All you will ever be.
One who, in you, greatness
She will forever see.
Sorry, I ran off for a minute there. I guess ultimately, we choose people and relationships that may have never been meant for us. Times past, I was told, "You have to speak it into existence!" I'd try, as many of you all have seen over the years of FB and such. The realization I have come to is this. If what I'm "speaking life" into never existed in the will of God for my life, then I'm doing CPR on space. If you caught that, GREAT DAY! Look at it this way. I stand before the fire of marriage, with my shovel, next to a pile of coal. I've gotta keep this fire burning, so I'm shoveling and shoveling and shoveling. On the other side of the fire, stands my mate with her own pile of coal, who has yet to pick up her shovel, hands clean, breaking no sweat. She puts more effort into criticizing the work I'm doing rather than offering a hand to help. Over time, my arms can't handle anymore and my coal runs out. I've got no more to give. The fire dies. All it ever takes is one to bleed you dry.
If God were in the business of blessing that which He never called, meant, or willed to be, then would He truly be God, worthy of our honor, praise, obedience and adoration?? Would I pray to God for that which He does not condone? "Lord, please bless me with crack money, bullet money, or the strength to pull off this robbery!" MADNESS, right?? It's extreme, but it's the same as asking God or expecting God to bless or be pleased with a union He never had in mind for you. All it ever takes is ONE to set your mind right and show you the way!
You all do realize that this is a simple catharsis for me, right?
HAPPY FREEZING WEDNESDAY NIGHT Y'ALL!! I LOVE YOU ALL, EACH AND EVERY ONE!!