I think about my Faith, and what fuels it at times. Yes, it's a natural part of me, my life, my being, but there are times that my Trust in God burns hotter than a dragon dipped in diesel fuel. These were my thoughts two nights ago, as I sat at the table with my youngans doing homework, and listening to one speak fluent French and the other practicing his beginner's Spanish. But back to my Faith, my absolute Trust in our God, Creator of a universe, of which no man will ever see the full extent.
To be honest, what fuels my Faith fire on many occasions, daily occasions, is fear. I remember joking with my nurse on the day, December 7th, 1990, I was released from Mobile Infirmary to go home and REALLY live this new life. I told her that I was afraid that I'm going to go home and die, my first night out. I said it jokingly, but the fear was real and has been ever since. Each night, that fear taps me on the shoulder, as the diesel it is, and I immediately and instantaneously have a word with God. Ultimately, He is TRULY the only force and power that gets me through the night.
There are lots of daily fears that we, as Type 1's, face. I fear braking a vial of insulin when I need it most. I fear my insulin going impotent when I'm far from home or a pharmacy. I fear my pump breaking down. I truly fear the "Rogue Lows" that are a real thing. Jessica "Sheain'tright" Beasley posted something a while back about a Rogue Low almost taking her out. In her post, she reminded me that as we get older, we may not be as sensitive to blood sugar dips and rises, as we once were. I know I'm not, and I hate what such a thing puts my family through. They can't imagine what it's like, and I know their fear of such is as great as mine, if not greater. My children, my woman, my mother, and my father have saved me multiple times when lows hit like a brick, laying me out.
Whew, talk about a fight for your life!! Imagine trying to subdue an angry grizzly bear with your bare hands. Yeah, so when you see or hear of someone with Type 1 Diabetes, who has survived decades with it, KNOW that you have seen or heard of one of the strongest people you'll ever know. True, we are not the only people who deal with such, on a daily basis. There are those who deal with far more, and far greater beasts than bears. I commend you all for being the warriors you are. God made us STRONG ENOUGH!!
I've had some "Super-Christians" to speak to me as though I should never have a fear, and look at me, with ridicule, as weak for having fear. Fear is a natural thing for any of us to have. Having fear and being consumed by fear are two totally different things. Fear drives so much good into life. Think about it. Fear is often a healthy deterrent to doing or allowing the wrong things into your life. Fear of illness and even death drives us to take care of ourselves better. Fear of losing a child to the world drives parents to involve them in schools and activities that will funnel them into successful futures. Fear of failure drives us to do whatever it takes to win at whatever it is we are trying to accomplish. I don't mind fear setting my Faith ablaze. I don't mind it at all, because when it pushes me into the arms of God, I feel like the Nemean Lion in a world of no Hercules. Some of y'all didn't catch that, but I love Greek mythology.
Imagine it this way. I am a gun, ever aimed at the Heart of God. My faith is a chambered bullet within me. Fear is the firing pin, and yes, it's a part of me. In the instant fear strikes, my Faith fires directly into God, the safest place I could ever be. Then, I find peace with my situations. I find peace with my disease. I find peace with every loss, every failure, and also with my past. God is my all in all!!
Those who have ears, let them hear.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Bryan Hollomon Williams